just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
