All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
