Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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