ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
