You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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