I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
