PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
