We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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