Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
