YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
