hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
