you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
