4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
