Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
As shirtless as possible
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
