Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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