Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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