After last night, I could never be a politician.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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