Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Fuck appropriateness.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
