it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Operation Purity has been aborted
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
