I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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