dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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