Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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