I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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