you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
