Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your penis caused this!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
