I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
