If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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