You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
