I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
