Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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