We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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