If i come over, it means nothing
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
