I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dick has a subreddit
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
