THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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