when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
