I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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