dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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