He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
