it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
