i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
false alarm. still invincible.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
