margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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