What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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