never play flip cup with pint glasses
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
