we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
