Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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