happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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