Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
