i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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