Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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