A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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