I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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