the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
